| Topic: | Re:Re:Re:Re:Get on it tomorrow and feel the joy | |
| Posted by: | Paul Campbell | |
| Date/Time: | 08/07/22 07:49:00 |
| A "Onesie" is a member of a "One" group, whose local chapter is called "OneChiswick". They are an anti-cycling hate group that purports to represent the interests of all of Chiswick's residents but expels anybody who does not share their single article of faith. The term "Onesie" has been extended over time to define anybody who prioritises the right of drivers to drive the shortest possible route over road safety, children, cleaner air and the environment. Onesies are an endangered species in Chiswick with only a few survivors left. These bewildered misfits are akin to those Japanese soldiers who used to emerge from the jungles of Asia in the 1980s thinking that WWII had not ended. Only years of psychotherapy will persuade them that there is actually a cycle lane on Chiswick High Road and that it is here to stay. Ironically the most effective remedy for their condition, as recommended by the medical profession, is cycling on the cycle lane. Tower Hamlets is establishing itself as a refugee centre for exiled Onesies from all over London. There car culture continues to be celebrated despite over 70% of households not owning a car. The richest Onesies can find solace in the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, an oasis in a fast-encroaching desert of safer streets. Bromley, Brent and Haringey also come highly recommended as sanctuaries for the true believers. The Onesies count amount their gods: Jeremy Clarkson, Kirstie Allsop, Lawrence Fox, Julia Hartley-Brewer and some bloke called Cristo Foufas. By worshipping these idols at their altars, Onesies pray that there will be an apocalypse in which everybody with well-defined calf muscles will be cast into the fires of hell. See you all on the fully opened lane this afternoon. Kisses. |